found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
