If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
