So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
