I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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