ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
