I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
