we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
