the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
