I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
