happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
