You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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