you would pick up someone in the library
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
