If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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