I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
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