Umm I'm too high to move.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
