I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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