I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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