all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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