My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
