i would punch a child for taco bell
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
