FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
