i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
