I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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