I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
