I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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