i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
