Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.