I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do vagina's smell?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.