couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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