he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."