Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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