They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
