I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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