This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
