Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
