Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
