I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
