planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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