i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
