How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
