fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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