someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with