You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going