Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Damn victory sex feels great
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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