also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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