just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Green mimosas i think yes
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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