i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
