there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
