I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
