I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
