You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
