hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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