idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i would punch a child for taco bell
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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