I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
