I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even my vagina gasped.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
