If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
