All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
