is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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