He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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