peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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