Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize