hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
