I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
