just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is classic penis vs brain.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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