Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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