It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
