I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize