She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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