i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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