Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
