A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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