just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
