My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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