he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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