She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
