There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
