He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
