i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
