It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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