how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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